Five ways I have learned detached compassion this past year:
Oh boy! as a parent this is a tough one for many of us to grasp.
There are times when you see your loved ones struggling with things in their lives. Are your children struggling in school or are having a tough time socially? You as a parent want to fix their problems or make their lives easier or better.
“I don’t want them to go through what I went through” is a normal and typical response from many parents when they see their children suffering. However, we forget that what we went through is what made us who we are today.
Here are five things that have worked for me in this last year as my oldest is at college and going through a rough and hard learning experience of being an adult.
1. Success is in the struggle. Let your loved ones go through what they need to go through. Support them and guide them where you can and not get sucked in their struggles. This is detached compassion. Remind them that you are always here for them but you can not solve their problems or provide solutions.
2. Support and love without the drama: As much as you want to take away all the pain, there are times you get frustrated and don’t know what to say or do. Instead of completely shutting yourself out, give them the love they need by just listening.
3. You don’t need to solve anything: This is hard especially as mothers we want to fix things, if it’s about our little ones. Just listen and say I know this is hard but know that I love you and you will figure this out.
4. Teach them to believe in a higher power: One of the biggest message from the Bhagwat Gita (Hindu scripture) is that you do the work diligently and genuinely and leave the results up to God. When all else fails, pray and pray!
5. Remind them everything is temporary: Although their problem may seem so overwhelming and overpowering, nothing in this life time lasts forever. Divert their mind on to positive and fun memories and remind them this too shall pass!
In the end, this works the best for me:
“I love you and I trust that you will sort this out. I will pray for you to have strength to deal with this. I believe in you even if you don’t believe in yourself right now. You are stronger than you are able to see, I am always here for you!”